I have mouth ulcers again. For some reason I seem to get mouth ulcers a
hundred times worse than anyone else. Most people get mouth ulcers and
they're tiny white dots that heal in a couple of days. Mine just get
bigger and bigger and last for a couple of weeks. And hurt. A lot.
And so it was that I was lying awake at some ungodly hour this morning
with a mouth that felt like it was full of burning tapers. I went to
the bathroom and applied bonjela to the most offesive one. My eyes
watered and my mouth drooled in an undignified manner, but the pain
receded and I returned to bed. But half an hour later another ulcer
started to flare up (I think I have 3. I usually don't have any, but I
never have only one - they always come in clusters, and for some reason
it's always around my birthday) so I eventually dragged myself out of
bed again.
I briefly tried to fashion some sort of protective shield from chewing
gum (it seemed an excellent plan to my half awake and pain befuddled
brain) but that didn't work, so I applied another spot of bonjela -
more eye watering, more drooling, and then I turned to go back to bed.
Just as I reached the bathroom door I realised I'd stepped on something
wet. Looking back I spotted something dark on the ground. WIthout my
glasses on it was a bit blurry and I figured perhaps it was a bit of
leaf (we had
finally got rid
of those bags in our garden and we'd had to carry all of them through
the house, so it wasn't inconceivable), but even before I bent down for
a closer look I knew in my heart of hearts I was wrong. I knew exactly
what it was.
A slug.
And so it was that the first casualty of the war between man and slug
had been claimed. To show respect for a worthy opponent I ceremonially
wrapped it in toilet paper and carefully buried it in the bin. It
occured to me that since I hadn't actually squashed it it could still
be alive, but since this thought only came after I wrapped it in
absobent paper, roughly picked it up and pushed it half way down into
the rubbish, I thought it best not to dwell on it.
But there can be no going back now. The battle line shave been drawn,
and I can only wonder how long it will be before the slugs take one of
us in revenge. It's only a matter of time.
P.S the buzzcomix list has just reset all the votes to zero, so if
you've been enjoying Beaver and Steve, please take a moment to
vote - it only takes 2 seconds and I
really think I can get really high up the lists this month, but I need your help. We can do it!
